Why do women compete with each other?

My husband has commented more than once, that women are very competitive. I usually get defensive and say something like, “No more than men!” And, I’m probably right (I usually am) that we don’t compete more, but we definitely compete differently than men.

John gets his need for competition satisfied on the soccer field. For him it’s almost a “have to” to keep him centered, and it also dissipates the desire to punch anyone. I wonder if women who play sports feel that way too?

Being a part of the rather large world of social media, I have seen my share of competition among the women there. And it reminds me of high school. Remember the mean girls in school who wanted to let you know at every turn that they were “better” than you?

Well they’ve graduated to social media. 

Last year I met one through Facebook and she was determined to keep me in my place. And, being the competitor I am, I was just as determined to remind her that I was an equal.

So we clashed.

When I shifted my focus to Instagram, there she was again. Only this time she thought so highly of herself, she didn’t have time for the little people like me.

She’s the kind of woman who acts like there is a race going on and she has to finish in first place, before all others. Or, that what matters most is to be the one on top.

Only there is no race and certainly no top.

So, because of her behavior, I’ve excused her from my life.

It feels good to let these kind of women go, wish them well, and stay focused on my goals. Back when I was in my 30’s I probably would have tried my best to keep up with them, but getting older does have some benefits.

Which, come to think about it, why haven’t these other women in their 50’s and beyond learned that there is no need for such competition? And let me tell you, I’ve seen some pretty cut-throat behavior that is so unnecessary.

My guess is they have a need to bolster themselves up, because in all reality, they don’t feel that good about themselves in the first place. Which is so cliché, I know.

This is the time for us to learn as much about ourselves as we can. We like to think of ourselves as midlife, but my guess is we are past that marker now. So we are on the other side of the hill and, in essence, time is dwindling.

Now is our chance to take stock in our health, identify our weaknesses, and let go of the old tapes that keep us feeling like we must compete with other women. It’s time to rejoice in our fellow sisters and lift them up with us.

And can you imagine what we could do as a collective if we band together and supported each other?

Reader Comments

  1. Melanie

    Love it.. refused to deal with it in high school and absolutely no way would I deal with it from grown women. I must say football season I do become pretty competitive … in the nicest way possible ❤️
    Keep it up Lady!!

  2. Julie Augustyn

    Amen sister! I’m all about supporting and lifting each other up. Life it way too short to waste on unnecessary competition. I’ve met amazing, kind, compassionate, supportive woman in our age bracket through our blog and our social media accounts! Luckily, I haven’t felt the competitive nature that I know exists.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Thank you Cat. I know you to be just that kind of woman, doing an amazing job of lifting others up along the way.

  3. jodie filogomo

    It’s such a funny way to live life. I mean if you really look at it, what do you win?
    Friendship and collaboration is the way to go!!
    PS…I have no idea where your comment on the blog went. I got the announcement from Disqus, but can’t even find it to reply to it….so strange?? I even checked in Disqus spam….hmmmm.
    But you made me laugh…definitely!!

  4. jodie filogomo

    Hey..I found it…it was deleted in the Disqus moderation area??
    It says: This comment has been deleted by the user and can’t be changed.
    So weird…

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Okay, weird. I was trying to fix my “profile” since it was showing up as a generic Disqus one. I’ll get back in there and fix it!

  5. Rita Palazzi

    I asked myself a lot of time why women my age feel the right to offend or insult other women with they sharp comments.
    If you wright: that’s ugly or awful is not the the same that you right: it’s not my taste, i’d prefer something different…
    I think that kindness is something everyone should have and the respect for other human beings is necessary.
    I love women and don’t feel in competition because I think that unicity is our beauty and our strength

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