Introspective Adventurer

Aging on my terms - Daily musings in 500 words or so

Tag: emotions

Scattered about – finding peace

I feel like I’m all over the board right now.

We moved out of our apartment in Santa Barbara last weekend. Well, mostly out. There are still a few things at the old place and it needs to be cleaned up, so a part of me is still there.

When we moved from the Bay Area to Santa Barbara, I had a hard time finding a place that would fit our needs. There are only two of us but I wanted to be sure there would be room for family when they came to visit.

I’ve always wanted the home that my kids and grandkids could come back to and a one-bedroom apartment wasn’t exactly my dream home. But we made it work.

Our old place in Santa Barbara
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Counting up to 60 and what I learned – decade four

I’ve heard it said that a grain of sand can tip the scale, but in my opinion it is the pile of sand before it that rarely gets the attention. By the time I reached 40 I felt like I was in a constant struggle to climb the dune I had created.

Turning 30 was fun and I was sure I had everything figured out, at least on the outside. I was married with two kids and very content with my day-to-day life. Things got even better when we bought a little 20-acre farm on the outskirts of town.

I’ve written many times before that I grew up on a farm, and when my boys were entering grade school I had the strongest desire for them to experience country life. The run-down, cat-infested place we purchased turned out to be the best place to let a couple of boys roam and discover things on their own.

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I Have Some ‘Splaining to Do – Guest post by John Gavin

“Recognizing the absurdity of his request, he tried to explain. It wasn’t about seeing her so he could win her back but rather about seeing her so he could release the perceived hold she had over him.

I tried very hard to understand…”

Those words were written very recently by Loretta, the woman I love; the only woman I’ve ever loved this way. But I once told Loretta I wanted to borrow her car to go talk to an ex-girlfriend.

What the hell?

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Jump in, The Water’s Fine – Repost

A while back,  I shared a blog post called A Look Inside. I wrote about feeling off that day, and shared that I spent the day trying to understand why. I got a lot of very nice feedback on it, and several people shared some of their off moments with me too.

I like that so many people have commented and shown support. And I’m using several different platforms to share my blog, in hopes to reach people who can either relate, or just find my stories interesting.

I am also learning as I go, which is sort of the point of the blog. You know, reach 60 and be wise, healthy, happy and content. One thing I’m learning is that there is a bias towards sharing one emotion: Happiness.

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A Belly Full of Emotions – does what you eat change who you are?

I haven’t been able to shake the feelings I’m experiencing right now. It started last week when I was on the road.

I’m irritable, and cranky on the inside.

I am also surprised by my negative thoughts and feelings of competition. Weird. I’ve felt like this previously in my life though – many times. I’ve never associated these feelings with what I’m eating before.

But I can see a correlation now.

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A calendar of emotions

Have you ever associated an object with an emotion?

I hate desk calendars. I just recently bought one to pull the pages off and stick to the refrigerator. I thought it would be a good way to keep track of my schedule with diet and exercise.

But it didn’t take long to realize it was a source of contention for me. Let me back up and explain. Continue reading

We teach people how to treat us

I’ve been called out a few times for sharing too much here on my blog. Every time this happens it shakes me slightly. I start to question my motives, and self-doubt creeps in. Which is interesting, because working through self-doubt is really why I’m doing this.

Most of my life I’ve been told to be quiet and keep my ‘dirty laundry’ hidden. Other people have told me how I should be acting, what I should be saying, how I am supposed to think, and even how I’m supposed to look.

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Life Changes – Part Two

May 15, 1980 was a bright sunny Thursday in Bend. We had just returned from Lake Tahoe earlier that week and were still smiling and talking about the fun time we’d had as we both got ready for work.

Joseph and I decided to meet back at home to have lunch together, and as lunchtime rolled around I raced home. I made sandwiches and as I was coming around the corner from the kitchen with my plate and soda in hand, the phone rang.

I put my 7up down and answered the call with my free hand. The voice on the other end was barely recognizable. I stood there listening to the words that were coming through the telephone line and holding the plate with my sandwich on it, not being able to comprehend what I was hearing.

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Jump in, the water’s fine

The other day I shared a blog post called A Look Inside. I wrote about feeling off that day, and shared that I spent the day trying to understand why. I got a lot of very nice feedback on it, and several people shared some of their off moments with me too.

I like that so many people have commented and shown support. And I’m using several different platforms to share my blog, in hopes to reach people who can either relate, or just find my stories interesting.

I am also learning as I go, which is sort of the point of the blog. You know, reach 60 and be wise, healthy, happy and content. One thing I’m learning is that there is a bias towards sharing one emotion: Happiness.

Continue reading

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