I feel like I’m all over the board right now.
We moved out of our apartment in Santa Barbara last weekend. Well, mostly out. There are still a few things at the old place and it needs to be cleaned up, so a part of me is still there.
When we moved from the Bay Area to Santa Barbara, I had a hard time finding a place that would fit our needs. There are only two of us but I wanted to be sure there would be room for family when they came to visit.
I’ve always wanted the home that my kids and grandkids could come back to and a one-bedroom apartment wasn’t exactly my dream home. But we made it work.
We had no “extras” like a dishwasher or washer and dryer, but the worst thing about the place was the makeshift bathroom right off the kitchen/dining area.
That bathroom offered no privacy and a person could carry on a conversation with someone in the kitchen while sitting on the pot. Can you imagine that?
As much as we have outgrown the place, a part of me is going to miss it.
Our new home in Ventura isn’t huge by any stretch but we have a guest bedroom with its own private bath. My kids helped us move and it was great to finally have room for them to stay with us comfortably.
But I find myself roaming around trying to find the rhythm of the new place and that makes me feel a bit out of sorts.
As I am unpacking boxes and figuring out what will go where, I am also helping to organize a celebration/memorial in Michigan next week for my sister who passed away in July.
Her birthday is August 23rd and we thought that was the perfect day to celebrate her life and get our family together to share our memories of her. Janet’s life was full of ups and downs, like most of us, but I believe she found peace in her last weeks.
She made good friends in Texas, where she died, and it is comforting to know they will have their own celebration at San Padre Island on Janet’s birthday with good friends.
There is a part of me in Texas wondering where she is now and a part of me in Michigan remembering our youth and growing up there.
I am working on a eulogy for her but I can’t seem to find the right words yet. I’d rather think about decorating the guest bath and pink flamingo rugs.
Perhaps on my flight home to Michigan the words will come to me but until then I will keep unpacking and lining shelves with contact paper and arranging for delivery of our new washer and dryer.
With each step in the process of moving and mourning I know it will all come together. This coming weekend we will turn in the keys to our old place and next week I will see my family and share memories with them.
After that, I will come home to our new place and settle in… and find peace.