Looking forward

Most everyone around me is looking forward to the holiday season, but for me, this time of year has me looking forward to the New Year.

New beginnings and opportunities. Renewed focus and possibilities.

What will 2020 hold for me? I went into 2019 as Countdown to 60 and celebrated my birthday with a bang.

Making my Big 60 for my birthday party

I moved on as Introspective Adventurer hoping to round out my year with writing and adventures. Neither seemed to pan out.

Introducing the Introspective Adventurer

Instead, life threw one test after another at me and my focus turned to deal with each challenge.

My niece holding her mother’s cremains

Stress brought on health issues which I am still dealing with. But that’s how it goes, right? I used to tell myself, “Life is like a river, just go with the flow and don’t fight it.” So I let it all wash over me, but not for too long.

In my family, we move on, we get over it…or at least that is what I was taught.

And in our fast-paced, online world, a few months can seem like a lifetime. With each passing day, I told myself to get over it and move on. But a good friend reminded me to be easy on myself. Online time is not real-time, and part of life’s river is to allow myself time to feel and process in real-time.

And maybe the dichotomy I’m in has me perplexed as to where I go next? I created something really cool online with Countdown to 60 and now I’m growing that into another direction. Could it be that challenge I struggle with?

The events of this last year could fill a book – a book I should want to write, right? But that is a huge undertaking. If I thought I had to be vulnerable as Countdown, can you imagine how vulnerable I will need to be to write the book I need to write?

And that thought is a little scary.

So here I sit at the end of the decade, not knowing if it is the nicks and cuts life inflicted on me this year, or pressure I feel about which way to go next that are weighing on me. I do know this: I want to start 2020 stronger than I feel now.

As four lads from Liverpool once wrote: Maybe I can do it with a little help from my friends?

Reader Comments

  1. Amy

    I so understand! I’m in a similar state. I’ve paused much as if at a fork in the road and not exactly sure which path I want to take. So I’m breathing and thinking it all through. May 2020 be kind to us both!

  2. Kim Cook

    I understand too. I am wondering what’s in the air that has all of us re-thinking our path. I am guilty of just shutting down when it gets to be too much. I am on the upside and I am sure you will be too.

    We all talk so much about be strong women but sometimes our vulnerability and the soft parts of us get lost or we shut them down. And when they come out, its with a vengeance!

    You have had a heck of a year. Slow down, give yourself some grace and the right path will present itself.

    Cheering for you!

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Christina, thank you so much. Doesn’t it feel like the “just get over it” is even more amplified with our fast-paced online world? It is almost like, “okay, we’ve heard this story, give us a new one” feeling.

  3. Barbie Holmes

    Oh, Loretta! You’ve had a doozy of a year!! I agree, real-time is a lot slower than virtual time. We can all relate to feeling like we’ve totally missed the bus and worry the next one won’t come! In order to process and honor the passing of your sister, you need to let a few buses go by. Silly analogy, but just think about how many buses are running! You’ll take your next bus ride in good time! Maybe you’ll stop and pick me up, too! Sending lots of love and hugs. xx

  4. Juliet

    Wishing for you strength, courage and resilience as we head into the New Year … you’ve created a lovely community and we’ve got you. xo

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