Did 2019 kick my butt or am I just imagining it?

This year started out with so much promise, which I think is how I feel every year come January 1st. I was hurtling towards my 60th birthday and wondering who I would be once Countdown to 60 turned 60.

I spent hours contemplating what my new moniker would be, agonizing over the right name. When I asked my readers for help so many suggestions poured in I had to use a giant whiteboard to add all the descriptors.

I was looking for the new “me” and having a hell of a time finding her, so I made some other changes.

In April of 2018, I decided to stop dying my hair and see what my natural color was. I had a faint idea it was mousy brown, but I hoped to join the silver sisters wagon and flaunt my gray proudly.

April 2018 – End of an era

After a year of letting it grow out, I couldn’t take the dyed ends and just over a month before my birthday I had my hairdresser chop off all that wasn’t “natural”. I loved it and hated it all at once.

Just keep smiling!

My hair was part of my identity and I could hear Amy March yelling, “Your one true beauty!” as I tried to embrace my new look. Somehow with that haircut came the clarity to just be me and I settled on lorettasayers.com.

I couldn’t use my name for Instagram so I just picked up my tagline as my new name and the Introspective Adventurer was born.

It was now time to focus on the preparations for my big day.

My 60th Birthday Party!

My family and friends gathered around me for a weekend celebration like none I’ve ever had. Many of my friends far away and my online community made sure to celebrate with me as well. It was even more than I had dreamed of.

May 10, 2019 – My 60th Birthday

Everything was just perfect. Even with my short hair.

But you know that person who peeks in high school? Well, I am pretty sure my year peeked with my 60th birthday. I was no longer Countdown to 60 and lost my footing somehow.

No longer Countdown to 60

I’m not sad about that, honestly. Life has a way of righting itself and if we don’t go through the lows how are we going to have any of the highs?

As my year progressed great things happened.

In the midst of a great loss, I also packed us up and we moved to a bright and sunny beach house. While experiencing great physical pain, I was surrounded by family and old friends to celebrate my sister’s passing.

August 23, 2019 – My sister’s birthday

I felt like I was in a constant push-me pull-me state and I was just holding on trying to keep my chin up and hoped once the tornado passed I wouldn’t end up in Oz. But I was definitely feeling grumpy inside.

Trying to find peace

By mid-December, I sat in the middle seat of an overcrowded plane on my way to New York with John. I grumbled to myself pretty much the entire five-hour trip as I watched movies on my phone because the monitor at my seat wasn’t working.

John enjoyed fantastic views out of his lovely window seat while I sat there feeling sorry for myself. A little voice inside me screamed, “You are supposed to be the lucky one!”

Even after we got to our tiny, dark room at our hotel I was still fuming over my bad luck. That night I went to sleep snickering at myself. I knew my attitude was what brought me right where I was and I also knew exactly how to change it.  

So the next morning as John left for work, I called down to the front desk and asked for a better room. The woman on the other end of the line was kind and helpful and said she knew just the room she could move us to.

The rest of the trip was magical and I even won the ticket lottery for us to see Wicked on Broadway. I know life is what we make it. I used to say, “Whatever you think, you’re right.”

So to answer the question I started with…I guess I’d have to say, “Yes.”

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Reader Comments

  1. Stephanie

    I’m with you! I can’t believe some days that it has taken me nearly all of the first 57 years of my life to understand that not only can grief and joy (and other seemingly mutually exclusive human feelings) coexist, but they pretty much MUST.. Now that I’ve learned that and accepted it, I get to spend the rest of my time learning to embrace that and move forward in it. It sounds like I’m in good company in this. So many decisions to make every day to move where we want to go. Happy New Year, Loretta!

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Thank you kindly, Stephanie! Life sure is full…and what we make it. I always love to see where my words will take me, and I appreciate anyone who goes along the journey with me. Cheers to a new year! Xx

  2. Rebecca Phillips

    Loretta Sayers, did I just see a pop up? You did lecture me about mine (one) at one time I recall. LOL. It’s beautiful. I think it fits.
    As far as your compass, you are on course. I say EVOLVING! You are a natural born talented storyteller. Shine on!

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Ha! Thank you, my friend. Hopefully, you only got a request to sign up to follow, and hopefully only once! (still working out the bugs!)
      Thank you for the compliment as well. I love to see where my words take me…if I let them…and I appreciate you joining me for the ride! Xx

  3. Anita

    Reading your reflections is making me want to recall mine. I’m feeling that it was an uneventful year, but I know it wasn’t. Maybe I’ll get my gratitude journal out and begin a daily entry again. 🙂
    You’re consistently moving forward, Loretta. I wish more and more!

  4. Lisa Selwitz

    Wow, you sure did have a year and a half packed into 365 days. Amazing. I need to sit down as well and evaluate what my 2019 was about. I hope your 2020 goes as well as your trip to New York (after you changed rooms). Yup, whatever you think, you’re right. Happy New Year, Introspective Adventurer! xo

  5. Amy Kennedy

    I agree, it was a very challenging year, and yours was filled with some pretty devastating things. Something in me is whispering that 2020 is going to be so much better for both of us. Hoping for the very best!

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Oh Amy, you have had your challenges this year too. I can hardly believe it was 11 months ago that you fell. I know you are still recovering from it and I also know it had a huge impact on your year. Here’s to an amazing 2020, my friend. Xx

  6. Barbie Holmes

    You definitely had a “full meal deal” kind of year. You didn’t want the double cheese burger, mega sized drink or oversized fries, but that’s what you got!! Silly analogy, but your plate was overflowing and you had no choice but to limit the spills from the king-sized portions. I have always said you are one of the most resilient people I know. “YES” is your word for 2020! “YES” it is and “YES” to YOU!! Lots of love, Barbie xx

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Barbie, I love your analogy! My plate was definitely overflowing.
      And what a perfect word for 2020 – YES!!! Thank you for being there for me through the highs and the lows. I’m fortunate to have such a great friend. Love to you and let’s make 2020 our year to say YES to amazing possibilities. Xx

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Christina, thank you! So glad you found me and enjoy my writing. It does help to know there are people out there reading my stories. Here’s to a new day, new year and new decade! Xx

  7. Hilda Smith

    Loretta, I hope 2020 is a good year. You had a tough year, but also some good times. Focus on those; you are a warrior and have overcome so much. Stop being hard on yourself. xxx

  8. Del dot

    Hi Loretta, I’ve been reading your blog for a bit now but haven’t commented before.
    I felt the same way about 2019. It was a challenging year, but there were several moments to be very grateful for. I think, like a previous commenter mentioned, that the good and bad have to coexist. It’s something I am learning to accept. I enjoy your writing style, and have started sorting through my thoughts by beginning to write as well.

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Welcome, Del Dot and thank you for the comment. It is always a pleasure to get to “meet” one of my readers.
      Writing is such a wonderful way to find yourself…in my opinion. I rarely write with an intention or even direction, but rather let the words guide me. I am particularly happy with this post as it led me right to what I have known for so long. Whatever we think, we’re right. Happy writing and I hope it takes you down many adventurous paths. Xx

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