Counting up to 60 and what I learned – decade five

Have you ever seen the movie, Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts? While I can’t relate to her running at the altar, I can relate to the fact that she didn’t know who she was and kept modeling her behavior after whichever man she was with at the time.

There is a scene in the movie when her tormenter (the next guy) says she doesn’t even know how she likes her eggs because she just orders whatever her guy orders. I may have known exactly how I liked my eggs, but I didn’t have a clear understanding of who I was or more importantly what I wanted.

At 40, I was divorced and in a relationship with a saddle maker. So of course, I was a saddle maker too. He happened to be half Native American, and I jumped in headlong learning everything I could about my native heritage.

Me as a saddle maker

When that relationship ended, each time I was with someone new, I would fall into liking whatever he liked. I was interested in his interests. From dancing to wine, hiking, biking, tennis, art and whatever else the man I was with was into, I was in 100% with him.

 Not to say I wasn’t interested in all of those things, I was. It’s just that I took a much bigger interest if it was what the guy I was dating was in to. In the movie, Julia likes eggs; she just doesn’t know how she likes her eggs.

Metaphorically, I had no idea how I liked my eggs.

Like Julia’s character, after dating several guys it became clear that I needed to figure out who I was and what I wanted. But unlike in the movie, I didn’t leave them all at the altar.

I ended up getting married twice during my 40’s and neither time to a person who wanted me to be me, or who loved me for who I am. I can’t fault them, however, as I had some work to do to figure out who I was first.

As each year ticked by in my 40’s I became more and more confused about my direction. Life just kept throwing crap at me to test my resolve and each time I was left stunned and confused.

I went from saddle maker to salesperson to spa manager and then finally to real estate agent. Just as I was soaring and thought I had it figured out, the housing market collapsed and sent me crashing down with it.

Stepping out of a limo to receive an award for top producer

At 49 I was broke, remarried and starting over. I was so happy when we moved to Napa where I found a new career as a caretaker of a private estate. I celebrated my 50th birthday there and everything was back on the upswing.

Until it wasn’t….  

What I learned: I had come a long way, only to find I didn’t know where I was.

My 50th birthday with my son, Adam

Reader Comments

  1. Amy Kennedy

    Oh my stars, Loretta! You are such an amazing woman, and your life has been such an adventure! And each step of the journey has been part of forming who you are today. Each time you opened a new door, climbed up onto a saddle, each hike, each egg you fried or broke, and each hello and goodbye, it all helped shape you, and in turn you left a beautiful “Only Loretta” mark in each and every situation. I can’t wait to see what is next for Beautiful Loretta!

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Dear Amy, you have such a way with words. And you know exactly what to say! Thank you so much, my friend!!! XXX

  2. Barbie Holmes

    I love the “eggs” analogy! The journey of your 40’s continues to demonstrate your adaptability and resilience, yet despite being the “come back kid” you acknowledge the personal struggle in narrowing into a focus that belongs uniquely to YOU! Always a treat to read your writing! XOXO ❤️

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Thank you so much, Barbie. It has been an interesting exercise writing these blocks of memories. Not easy to put ten years into 500 words!

      XXX

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