I am a task-oriented person.
If a job needs to be done, I identify it, find a solution, and then go about getting it done.
And as hard as it was, being by myself was exactly what I needed.
Working from home with no one else around, and living in an area where I had no family or friends created the perfect arena for some major reflection. But that’s not how I saw it at first.
I wasn’t just lonely – I was alone.
I missed my friends and family so much, there were times I was tethered to Facebook just so I could see them. But my nights were the worst.
At first I spent too much time idly watching television, but soon realized that was not helping me at all. I was always an avid reader, and found some juicy books to occupy my mind. But when I wasn’t lost in some plot twist, I was still feeling very alone.
Going through my bookshelf I picked up a book I’d read a long time ago. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz was one of my favorite self-help books I had read, and I decided to dust it off and re-read it.
I absolutely love how he describes our self-limiting belief system that can cause us so much suffering. Boy, could I relate. I knew I needed to dig deeper into this theory and found his companion workbook for The Four Agreements.
That was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.
I got myself a notebook and spent months following the instructions. Writing down on paper words that were told to me as a young girl, teenager and woman was so difficult to do and even harder to see.
But I did it. And, I learned so much about myself and who I really was. I learned how to change some of the old tapes and make new ones that better fit who I wanted to be and how I saw myself.
I started feeling better about life and knew I was on a new path.
In January 2011 I went to Pensacola Florida to visit my son and daughter-in-law, and had a great time. When I had helped them move there, I was in a hurry to get back home, but this time was different.
I loved visiting the beach and felt renewed when I got back home to Napa.
I still felt a bit lonely after that, but I never felt alone again. I’d done the job I needed to do, and life was gently moving in a new direction for me. This time, I was going to take it slowly and enjoy the process.
The Four Agreements:
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Don’t make assumptions.
- Always do your best.