A job to do

I am a task-oriented person.

If a job needs to be done, I identify it, find a solution, and then go about getting it done.

It was easy to fix all of the things around me after Judd left. One by one, I got my life back and found peace in my little cottage by myself in Napa.

And as hard as it was, being by myself was exactly what I needed.

Working from home with no one else around, and living in an area where I had no family or friends created the perfect arena for some major reflection. But that’s not how I saw it at first.

I wasn’t just lonely – I was alone.

I missed my friends and family so much, there were times I was tethered to Facebook just so I could see them. But my nights were the worst.

At first I spent too much time idly watching television, but soon realized that was not helping me at all. I was always an avid reader, and found some juicy books to occupy my mind. But when I wasn’t lost in some plot twist, I was still feeling very alone.

Going through my bookshelf I picked up a book I’d read a long time ago. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz was one of my favorite self-help books I had read, and I decided to dust it off and re-read it.

I absolutely love how he describes our self-limiting belief system that can cause us so much suffering. Boy, could I relate. I knew I needed to dig deeper into this theory and found his companion workbook for The Four Agreements.

That was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.

I got myself a notebook and spent months following the instructions. Writing down on paper words that were told to me as a young girl, teenager and woman was so difficult to do and even harder to see.

I still have my notebook…and all the “beliefs” written in it

But I did it. And, I learned so much about myself and who I really was. I learned how to change some of the old tapes and make new ones that better fit who I wanted to be and how I saw myself.

I started feeling better about life and knew I was on a new path.

In January 2011 I went to Pensacola Florida to visit my son and daughter-in-law, and had a great time. When I had helped them move there, I was in a hurry to get back home, but this time was different.

A favorite picture of me…because I was happy

I loved visiting the beach and felt renewed when I got back home to Napa.

I still felt a bit lonely after that, but I never felt alone again. I’d done the job I needed to do, and life was gently moving in a new direction for me. This time, I was going to take it slowly and enjoy the process.


The Four Agreements:

  1. Be impeccable with your word.
  2. Don’t take anything personally.
  3. Don’t make assumptions.
  4. Always do your best.

Reader Comments

  1. Dianna

    I think I might need to check out this book. I’ve spent a lot of time in self reflection this summer. It’s been both helpful and painful. Great post!!

    • Loretta Sayers
      Loretta Sayers

      Thank you Dianna.

      It is so worth the time – and you are right, it’s helpful but painful too.

      I hope you get a chance to look at his book – it’s a good one for sure!

  2. Dawn Dacquisto

    Hmmm, now I am wishing I hadn’t donated that book. It’s always good for me to review these things. Great reminder. I have learned so much during extended periods of isolation.

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